Feelings
by GuessJeansCo
Summary: A short oneshot about the inner workings of Damon's mind.


_There is nothing holier in this life of ours than the first consciousness of love- the first fluttering of its silken wings- the first rising sound and breath of that wind which is so soon to sweep through the soul._

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He cares about her. Yes, he cares about her so much, his dear, sweet Elena. It is the first time in so many years that he has allowed himself to truly _feel, _to let the sensation of loving someone with his whole heart, mind and soul overtake him and wash over him, carrying him wherever it would take him. It consumes him, eating at his soul, and it almost makes him feel _alive_.

But then there is the obstacle. Isn't there always? The one who gets there first, always one step ahead, better, faster, stronger, more handsome. His own _brother. _Yes, his own brother already owns her heart, and they are the perfect couple, the ultimate damsel in distress and the white knight, who has galloped in on his trusty steed and whisked her away before he could even say hello.

So the game is over, it has been won, and he is the loser, as he has been for the past 175 years, because he is just not _enough_. He remembers what it was like the first time he fell in love. It was beautiful, fragile, effortless. He had just returned from the war, and had seen horrors that no man should ever have to experience in their lifetime. He had always been one to shy away from violence, but it was his father's wish, and he would not dare disobey.

But there she was, as pretty as a picture. No words could describe the way he felt about her. He fell for her, lavishing her with gifts and riches, not sparing any expense. But then, of course, his brother returned from university, and that was it. He was forgotten in an instant, her attention transferred to his goodness and _light, _the certain presence that his brother had that he obviously lacked.

And then, she revealed her secret. The one word that would change his life forever. _Vampire_. And the second revelation. She loved them both, but she couldn't choose. So she would turn them both, so they could be together forever, and they would never be lonely again. Suddenly, his life seemed so much brighter. He would take whatever part of her he could get, because it was worth it, just to be with her, even if she had to _share._

However, not all fairytales have a happy ending, and it wasn't fated to last. So it did not. She was captured, tortured and then horrendously buried alive and burnt, the only sure fire way to kill one of his kind. Because just before she was taken, she gave them some of her blood, so that they could become what she was. The brothers, united in their love for their vampire girl, tried in vain to save her, but were shot in the process by their own father.

This he had anticipated, a destiny that he assumed would be reserved for him. But his brother, surely not? The prodigal son, always favoured over himself, even though he was older. That was how it went down, though, and they died, then _rose_ again, much to his dismay. He thought a life without her would be unbearable, and was prepared to die the true death, as to complete the transition, he had to have human blood, and he refused to succumb to the temptation.

But of course, his brother had a fantasy of spending eternity with his beloved brother, roaming the earth for the rest of their lives alongside each other. So he forced him to drink from a poor, defenceless human, and _kill her, _and it was done. He was turned, cursed to spend the rest of his days killing his former kind to survive. He fled the grip of his younger brother, and ran as far as his legs would take him, far, far away from the town that he used to call home.

In those early days, he contemplated taking his own life. Ending it all would be sweet, sweet relief, sparing him the utter and hopeless feeling of absolute _pain_. But then he found the switch, the inbuilt mechanism that allowed him to turn off those feelings, to not have to experience guilt, sadness, anger. Of course, there was no joy, light and happiness either, least of all the most traitorous feeling of all, but it was a small price to pay for getting rid of the bad.

So that was how he lived up until now. But then Elena came like a hurricane into his life, storming and raging and making him confrontall those feeling that he had locked away for so long. And after a very, very short time, he realised that he was in fact, in _love _again. And it was like the sweetest form of torture, because he could hold her, and heal her and protect her from all those things that go bump in the night.

But sooner or later, he realises that he'll be that monster, the one to cause her pain, the one to make her cry, and that she is no longer, never really has been his.

That is when he'll no longer need the ring that lets him go out into the sunlight without it causing him too much trouble.

He'll stand underneath her window, and throw stones up at it, and then ask her to come down.

He'll make her choose, tell her it's either him or her white knight, and he already knows her decision.

He'll ask her to take off the ring, slide it off his finger, assure her it'll be alright, but of course, as soon as she takes it off, the dark star that is his life will burn out and will only be a distant memory.

Because loving her is like _slow dancing in a burning room. _He cannot escape, but he'll enjoy it which he can, until he feels no more.

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**A/N: **First fanfic! Tell me how I did. It might be a little OOC. The story is meant to be my English assessment, and the prompt was the quote at the top, so advice on any improvements would be great.


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